The tone is mocking, but the equipment is not--seven items to survive the zombie apocalypse.
LED Lenser P7 Flashlight
Darkness can be your ally…unless you can’t see a damn thing but you can hear a hell of a lot of zombies lumbering toward you. This flashlight is the perfect weapon against that inky night, with a high-powered beam that can penetrate up to 300 feet at its highest setting. Just load up on AA batteries every time you raid a drug store, and you’re set.
Kahtoola Micro Spikes
Escaping zombies requires sure footing—but winter can make the easiest escape route a literal sheet of ice. These spikes easily slip onto almost any kind of shoe, providing instant traction on surfaces that’ll leave the zombies slip-sliding behind you. And they also make a killer impromptu weapon for any who can kick or stomp.
Wenger Ueli Steck Special Edition Knife
You won’t decapitate any zombies with this knife, but in all other ways (ya know, for cutting things), this multitool/knife combo will never fail you.
Oakley Jawbone Sunglasses
Protect your eyes from sun glare and the inevitable spray of infected blood with these shades—different tints in the interchangeable lens system means you can adjust to any light situation. And the look is decidedly post-apocalypse, which is kinda bad-ass.
Bushnell Powerview Compact Folding Prism Binoculars
We heartily recommend fleeing to the wilderness when zombies start to rise from the dead. But even if you’re trapped in an undead-clogged metropolis, seeing zombies from far away means avoiding zombies that may soon be upon you. These small binocs afford lightweight visual enhancement without swallowing a ton of space in your survival pack.
Adventure Travel Medical Kit Smart Traveler First Aid-Kit
We all know that if you get bitten once, it’s just a matter of time before you start craving brains. So, no, this kit can’t save you from the zombie infection. But it will prove essential, given the myriad of ways you’re liable to hurt yourself while fleeing the hordes. And the included book offers sage advice as you quickly realize you’re one of the last humans left.
Nanostriker
Fire? A no-brainer. From keeping zombies at bay (by burning down a zombie-infested barn or crafting a quick torch), keeping you warm, or (yes) cauterizing a wound, the ability to make fire is essential. And this high-powered spark generator will likely last longer than lighters or matches. Better still, it works even when it’s wet.
Honorable Mention: Stanley Classic Flask
Because…ya know…the dead have come back to life and are eating the living. And when that happens, you’ll need a drink.
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